Ian is here!!

Well it seems that the VanEvera's are now a family of 5! Ian Mayer VanEvera was born on April 22, 2010 4 weeks ahead of schedule! He weighed 8 pounds 5 ounces and is 19 inches long. He is the most handsome sweet little boy EVER!! He loves for his mommy to sit with him and talk and rock with him. On a more sour note, he is not breathing as slow as they would like him to, so he has to stay in the nursery with the nursing staff instead of with his parents in the room. Mommy feels sooo useless right now! First of all I couldn't keep him in any longer. My BP was going up and down and when they did his NST he was not as reactive as they would have liked. I tried to slow down and avoid as much stress as possible but in the end I guess it was a blessing from God he came early. When they did the C-section my placenta was going through my uterus plus it had such a thin spot that you could see through it. If the Doctor had not decided to take him early it could have been REALLY bad for both Ian and Lisa. Ian does not need any oxygen and his color and heartrate are great he just needs to slow down his breathing! I wonder if that is an indicator he will be high strung like his mom? Anyway Paul and I feel completely helpless right now! They won't let Ian nurse because he breathes so fast he could choke, so he is on an IV and starting some tube feedings. I am pumping to get my milk in sooner but the added stress of not being with my son is getting to me and even though it has just been barely 48 hours since his birth I have still not gotten my milk. We have to call the nursery to go visit our son, and when we go in he is hooked up to all these machines, it will break your heart. We know it could have been much worse but it still does not lessen the pain and heartache of watching your child in that way. Add to all that as a mommy I have not spent more than one night away from my precious girls and my hormones are in a whirlwind, I have been a complete wreck! I am missing all 3 of my babies and just want us all to be home together very soon. I am scheduled to go home tomorrow but I am not leaving without Ian, so the hospital has a plan for me to stay. As of now I have spent 2 nights away from girls and it is killing me!! They don't get it at all. They just can't understand why they come visit they can't hold Ian. We had them all pumped up for his birth and now everything is a mess! I feel like a complete failure all the way around but especially as a mother. I know God has a plan I just wish he would let me in on it cause this momma is ready to have her family all together again.